What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
