Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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