I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
