You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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