I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Randomize
