He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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