unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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