im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
