ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
