you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
