She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
