There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
he's gonorrhea incarnate
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
