he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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