I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
love makes seman taste better
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
