I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
