ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
