She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
