i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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