I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
