His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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