yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
