their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
