If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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