im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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