you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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