girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
