i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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