Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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