Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
