At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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