Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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