I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
