I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
