I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
