Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
