At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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