Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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