Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
