cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
