Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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