i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
