i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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