Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize