Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
