Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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