I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
