kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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