Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
