where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
