Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
