dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
