Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
