so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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