Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
