Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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