No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
