Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
