This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
