yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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