i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
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