The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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