Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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