this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
