she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
