is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize