is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
