i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
