Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
