Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
